Two days ago we RPed Gera's trial in the Dark Den. I had been very excited to do that. When we did though I soon got myself into a mess. The RP was very heavy for me. My character was accused of many crimes, her words were twisted and used agains her, her weaknesses were reveiled and put on show. All in all pretty normal procedure in Glint. And absolutely great RP. But somehow I couldn't take it. I felt bad ooc. I couldn't cope with the fact that my character was hated so much. I thought I must have done something wrong because I never intended to get my character to be hated. There are some brilliant players who can do that but I never could which is the reason why I picked a character that is usually soft and tries to get on well with others. After a while I even got worried that this hatred was not just IC. Yes, what if the players really didn't like me and the way I play Gera. I literally choked up during the RP. My character said less and less. When it was over I was in daze like my character. She went outside the building and another player who plays one of the new judges stopped her and said she would like to take her to lunch to get over the shock. But I was so shaken from the trial RP that I couldn't play. I said to her ooc that I was too shaky after the heavy RP , that I couldn't cope with it right now. On top of that I crahshed as soon as we were starting the lunch scene. She was very kind and understanding. I was ready to log off when another player whom I admire alot stopped Gera and took her over to the garage for a quiet talk. He too noticed that something was wrong with me ooc. He asked and I told him that I was worried that this heavy RP trial had been more that just a game, that it was meant to get to me ooc. Thank god that I was honest about it because then he told me something that lifted a rock from my heart. He saidthe good, regular players that people like, tend to get the harder plays.You dont take that time and effort for someone you dont like ooc.
I can't even put in words how much his words meant to me. How he calmed me down and made me realize that everything was fine. I love Glint and its players so much, love the RP there. This sim is my home and I really need to get my head straight.