New haircut

Because Gera had her hair cut [by force:) ] I thought I should give her a nice short haircut rather than to stick with the ol' freebie hair for men. So I got her this. Zoe Black from Hair creation.

Another little crisis

Two days ago we RPed Gera's trial in the Dark Den. I had been very excited to do that. When we did though I soon got myself into a mess. The RP was very heavy for me. My character was accused of many crimes, her words were twisted and used agains her, her weaknesses were reveiled and put on show. All in all pretty normal procedure in Glint. And absolutely great RP. But somehow I couldn't take it. I felt bad ooc. I couldn't cope with the fact that my character was hated so much. I thought I must have done something wrong because I never intended to get my character to be hated. There are some brilliant players who can do that but I never could which is the reason why I picked a character that is usually soft and tries to get on well with others. After a while I even got worried that this hatred was not just IC. Yes, what if the players really didn't like me and the way I play Gera. I literally choked up during the RP. My character said less and less. When it was over I was in daze like my character. She went outside the building and another player who plays one of the new judges stopped her and said she would like to take her to lunch to get over the shock. But I was so shaken from the trial RP that I couldn't play. I said to her ooc that I was too shaky after the heavy RP , that I couldn't cope with it right now. On top of that I crahshed as soon as we were starting the lunch scene. She was very kind and understanding. I was ready to log off when another player whom I admire alot stopped Gera and took her over to the garage for a quiet talk. He too noticed that something was wrong with me ooc. He asked and I told him that I was worried that this heavy RP trial had been more that just a game, that it was meant to get to me ooc. Thank god that I was honest about it because then he told me something that lifted a rock from my heart. He saidthe good, regular players that people like, tend to get the harder plays.You dont take that time and effort for someone you dont like ooc.
I can't even put in words how much his words meant to me. How he calmed me down and made me realize that everything was fine. I love Glint and its players so much, love the RP there. This sim is my home and I really need to get my head straight.

Better now

Where have they been hiding you? That was delicious!!!
That was surely the best RP I've had here...and I thank you for it!

Isn't SL wonderful. Just after I had posted here, I went inworld to the DD. Went to the church, not looking on the map and found myself in front of a fairly new player.
We started to rp and it was just awesome. He was witty, descriptive, just basically a very very good roleplayer and after we had finished the scene, he IMed me ooc and said the sentence above.

Now I feel so much better. Maybe my roleplay isn't that bad after all. So I get up, dust myself off , take a deep breath and get back into the game.

Personal RP crisis?

Lately I am not happy with my roleplaying in DD. I find its neither witty nor does it always make sense. I find it a struggle to play true to my character bacause lately my character is in some sort of crisis and she is unsure who she really is. I notice that I am playing not as bold as I used to. I am very careful lately and get insecure about everything, even about the fact that I am not a native speaker. Also I do a lot of typos. We've got a lot of very good roleplayers at DD and I fear I am not up to standart. I don't know why I never worried about all this before. I just hope I get over it soon.

Careless

Glint has a new library. Its a lovely place and build with love to detail as always. The interesting bit is that they got books there with a link to each blog of Glint residents. I was so proud and happy to find that they also made a link to Dunnaghs journal. So I was excited to show it to him. As we were standing in the library he spotted something that I had not noticed yet. They also linked this journal to the library, something I was not aware of.
Dunnagh was upset and asked me why I didn't want him to know about this blog.
I told him, oh i didn't want to make a big thing of it. For a while it went totally unnoticed. I rant in it and its not all about rp. Its about boring things too like buying new hair and stuff Are you offended that I didn't tell you? I am sorry , I didn't mean to offend you. I should have told you, shouldn't I?
He said, I'm a bit hurt by it, I don't know if I should be, I know that wasn't your point. But it makes me feel like I don't know you like I thought I did. I probably just need some time with it.
Gera Heliosense: oh I am, sorry. Please forgive me for being so thoughtlessly. I should have told you. And Dunn? There is not really anything in there that you don't know about me.
Dunnagh Scarmon: Ok. But that was my first thought- "she's got this whole other SL life that I'm not a part of and why would she want that?"
Again I apologized and explaned to him that I never ment to hids anything from him. I was very upset that I made him unsettled.
Then he said: Listen, I've always felt you and I have a special relationship in here- not an RL one, not just an RP one, something in the middle, a special SL loyalty. That's what I've always felt our 'Partnership' status is about. I'm looking at your new blog now and I see what it's about and I'm not threatened by it. But my first reaction to find out about it was I was wrong about our relationship in here.
He said he was a bit sensitive about finding out that I had hidden a big thing from from him, and that our different schedules make it so hard often to be connected , so he got worried but is okay now.
I am angry with my slef that I act thoughtless sometimes. I honestly didn't mean to hide anything from him. I just didn't see how important it was to him. Dunnagh is such a wonderful sensitive Person. He teaches me a lot and I learn from him to respect sentiments and emotions. Sometimes I do things in sl that catch my Dunnagh off guard. To me it does not seem to be a big thing but then he tells me how he feels when I do something like that and I realize only then what I did. Alas, I hope I will get better with that. Ours is such an amazing relationship and I don't know what I would do if I should ever lose him.